Dear Reader, Stop Trying to Prove Yourself

Last period at school, something unusual happened.

Our teacher delayed the chemistry lecture to give us time to think through a devotional about love and humility. Then, he asked us to pull out a sheet of paper and write down all our classmates’ names.

Beside every name, we had to write one way in which that classmate was better than ourselves–A hidden compliment to each classmate, almost. To get us thinking less about ourselves and more about those around us.

When we finished, we had to rip the paper up into shreds.

As I quietly went down the list of names, my mind immediately wandered… What were my classmates writing about me?

Entangled in my insecurity, I had all too quickly forgotten the purpose of this exercise.

Here everyone else was writing down something nice about me. Something nice. And nobody would even see it.

It was their own thoughts, poured onto paper and then ripped into shreds.

Shreds.

Unseen shreds.

Yet I worried about–briefly obsessed over–the words on those unseen shreds. The words in their unspoken thoughts.

The list in my mind

Right after that class period, I had my first track practice. From the beginning, I felt that something about this season will be different.

My teammates and I stood in the corner of this little gym under the blanket of a foggy sky, the drops of rain still lurking in the air.

Our coaches gave the opening pep talk. We were challenged to think about our goals as runners, our places on our team, and our missions as Christians.

Somewhere in that talk was a wake-up call to stop trying to prove ourselves to the people around us.

I walked out of my school that day with the feeling that God was trying to tell me something.

A few weeks later, His message finally got across my heart.

In my mind, I had a new list–A list of the people to whom I was trying to prove myself. It was a short list, but it weighed me down nonetheless.

And as my anxious mind thought it over, something hit me:

I was trying to prove myself to others, but in doing so, I was also hoping to prove something to myself.

That was the heart of the matter: me trying to prove to my insecure and weary soul that all the hard work was worth something after all. That I was worth something after all.

But that isn’t something that I’m meant to prove. This isn’t a burden that I’m meant to bear.

And proving yourself isn’t a burden that you’re meant to bear either, my reader.

Because Jesus Christ has already proved something. He proved His love for us. He proved that He is enough, so we never have to be.

We can’t prove to ourselves (or anyone else) that we’re all that we want to be, or have to be–We’ll inevitably fall short.

But what if this race isn’t so much about trying to prove ourselves?

What if it’s more about living as proof of His love?

Bought with a price

I had let other people’s words take power over me. Even just the fear of what they might have thought, or what they could say, well… I had given that enough power on its own.

“You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men.”

~1 Corinthians 7:23

This verse hit me hard. I had made my fear into my master.

And I had forgotten that I was bought with a price.

I was bought with a price, so I had nothing left to prove.

This burden had to go.

I pulled up that list in my mind, poured it onto paper, and then ripped the sheet up into shreds. Unseen shreds.

I prayed to stop obsessing over that list, because it was time that I left it behind at the foot of the cross.

It was time that the chains broke.

And it was time that I remembered how I was bought with a price.

The price isn’t a debt that we now owe. We’re free in Christ (See 1 Cor. 7:22). We don’t have to prove ourselves to anyone.

Jesus’ blood freed us from sin (See John 8:34-36). And now, I don’t need any more proof. I don’t need any more proof of His love, because when I step outside to see a world so beautiful, I see that it’s enough. The love of my Creator is enough.

There’s something humbling about accepting His love. (Love and humility–It all comes back around beautifully, doesn’t it?)

It made me think of all the times that Who He says He is for me hasn’t felt like enough.

All the times that who He says I am in Him hasn’t felt like enough.

The times that I strived for more, thinking that it would satisfy me. The times that I valued this too much, whether it’s trying to prove others wrong or hoping for a shred of their praise.

But instead of trying to do “enough”, I want my heart to fully accept that Christ alone is enough.

I want to accept the moments when I’m too weak to prove myself.

Oftentimes, I don’t even know my own capabilities. I don’t know how fast I can run anymore, how many miles I can go, or how close I can get to reaching my goals.

Recently, it’s the uncertainty that has scared me the most. Some days, I wake up ready to run a half marathon, but on the worst days, I can barely run a mile.

I don’t know what this season holds for me. I don’t know what will happen when I toe the line of that first race, or how far I’ll make it in the finals.

God only knows what I can really do, and I’m okay with that. Because my capabilities come from Him in the first place. They’re His gift.

All along, I’ve approached this upcoming track season with the wrong mindset. I told myself that this would be my chance to finally prove myself.

But instead, I want to live as proof of God’s love–the love that bought me with a price.

That’s my challenge for this season. I don’t know what you’re facing right now, but maybe the same challenge could bring a little change into your life.

Maybe you needed the reminder that you have nothing left to prove.

You were bought with a price, and now…

You’re living proof.

Don’t ever forget that, my reader.